


Everything That Drowns Me Makes Me Want to Fly

by Miaou Jones (miaoujones)



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Timeline, Docking, First Kiss, High Speed!, Love Confessions, M/M, Sexual Experimentation, Time Skips, Underage Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-28
Updated: 2013-08-28
Packaged: 2017-12-24 21:57:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/945119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miaoujones/pseuds/Miaou%20Jones
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On Rin's last day in Japan, Makoto shows him something he's never seen before. By the time Rin returns years later, he's come to understand just how extraordinary it really was...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. everything that drowns me...

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Free! Kink Meme, where it was posted under the unfortunate title "Shark Hearts Orca"...which is what I nearly used for the summary here (orz). Sincere and heartfelt thanks to the various and sundry Anons who left encouragement along the way. ♥  
> Although I have not labeled it as such, please think of this as an Alternate Reality where circumcision is a common practice in Japan.

"Congratulations, Rin," Makoto says as he comes over from the showers, towel wrapped around his waist, another draped over his shoulders.

Rin's brow furrows. "On what?" All they did today was swim. It wasn't even an official practice, since the tournament was yesterday. Rin had just wanted to come to the club today and since water was involved, of course Haru had said yes, which meant that of course Makoto said yes, and Nagisa as well.

"I didn't properly congratulate you on the race yesterday. You swam an amazing leg," Makoto says with a huge grin.

Pulling on his trousers, Rin grins back. "Well, you got us off to an amazing start!" He's not just saying it: he'd been confident going in to the relay but as soon as he saw Makoto come up from his back-dive and start to powerstroke through the water, Rin had known they were going to win. They couldn't have done it without all four of them together, of course, but that was the moment he'd _known_ , and it's no small part of why he'd swum the way he had.

Grin fading, Rin glances over casually now as he fastens his trousers. At least he hopes it seems casual—it hasn't been easy waiting for Makoto to be the last one in the locker room, since Haru is pretty much always the last one out of the pool; one of the gods must have finally heard him. "Hey, can I ask you something?"

"Sure." Dropping the towel he's used on his hair, Makoto pauses as he touches the handle of his locker, giving Rin his full attention. "Are you thinking about next year already? About having us enter individual events as well as the relay?"

The unexpected words run with an unpleasant coolness along Rin's spine. His jaw slides off-center before he says, "No, it's nothing like that..."

When he doesn't go on after a moment, Makoto says, "What's up?"

"Well." Shaking off the unpleasant feeling, Rin bites his lip. He's had a few days to practice this but he hasn't been able to figure out how to make the next part sound casual. In that case, it's best just to go ahead directly: "I was just wondering—is it true that you're not circumcised?" Even though he practiced saying it in a mirror until he reached the point that he didn't blush, it's completely different saying it to his own reflection than it is to Makoto. Doing his best to ignore the heat he feels crawling up the back of his neck and onto his face, he adds, "Don't ask me where I heard it or why. It's just something I heard and I was wondering..."

Makoto laughs. "Oh, it was Nagisa, wasn't it? He has a weird interest in it." Then his eyebrows go up as the smile fades. "Oh but no, I didn't mean that it's weird for you to ask!" He smiles again. "Anyhow, yes, it's true," he says, opening his locker.

Rin nods. "Only I was wondering..."

Reaching inside for his clothes, Makoto looks over, waiting politely for the rest of the sentence. 

Rin didn't realize his blush had receded until he feels it creeping up again.

"Oh!" Makoto's brows arch and settle again. "Yeah, I could—I mean, if you want to see, I don't mind showing you."

Face burning, Rin nods.

"Okay." Makoto undoes the knot of the towel and unwraps it from his waist, depositing in on the bench as he turns to face Rin. 

Not that Rin has seen a lot of naked men, not for more than a glimpse anyhow, but he's pretty impressed by Makoto's size. That's not really what gets his attention, though. He isn't sure what he was expecting, even after Nagisa's description, but he doesn't think it was this: the way Makoto's cock is _cocooned_ , the way the skin forms a hood that comes over the head so Rin can't see it at all; his hand clenches into a fist as he catches himself about to reach, to pull back that hood and see what's underneath. 

"So... what do you think?"

"I think it looks cool," Rin says honestly, still gazing at it. The blush comes back as he looks up now but he meets Makoto's eyes because it _does_ look cool; even if that's Nagisa's word it's still true, and Rin doesn't have a better one of his own. And since Makoto was nice enough to let him see it, it's only right for Rin to tell him so.

Makoto looks off but he's grinning. Rin looks off as well and finds his gaze drawn back to the hood of Makoto's foreskin. 

"Do you want to see what it feels like?"

Rin looks up: Makoto is blushing a little, smiling a little, a sincerity in his blush and smile so that Rin knows it's a genuine offer. Of course it is—this is Makoto, after all. Rin feels a little nervous but he doesn't know when he'll ever have a chance like this again, so he says, "Okay."

"Okay," Makoto echoes. "Um, you'll have to take yourself out..."

"Oh, right." Rin looks down as he undoes the button, unzips himself. He's not sure how far he should go since Makoto only said to take it out but Makoto himself is completely naked... Deciding on a compromise, Rin pulls his trousers and briefs down, widening his stance to keep them at mid-thigh. 

He looks up at the same time Makoto does. Rin doesn't say anything about Makoto checking him out because it's only fair; Rin took a good, long look at him, after all, and maybe circumcised dicks are just as cool-looking to Makoto as uncut ones are to him. 

Makoto steps closer so they're facing each other, almost toe to toe. As he wraps his hand around himself, his eyes flick down to Rin's cock and then back up. "I'm going to—I have to touch you. Is that okay?" 

Rin's mouth has gone dry so he can only nod. He watches Makoto's other hand come towards him; even though he prepares himself for it, the first touch makes him catch his breath. He's pretty fascinated by Makoto's hand on his cock but he glances up anyhow, just in time to see Makoto moisten his lower lip before his teeth dig into it lightly. 

Rin starts breathing again, slow and deep, focusing his gaze down again as Makoto gently peels back the hood to reveal his cockhead; he lines them up and Rin holds his breath, only to feel it rush out, rolling out beneath the deep inhale he sucks in when they touch. 

Makoto adjusts his hold so he's cradling both their cocks one-handed and, with his other hand, draws the hood up to envelop his own head and then Rin's; and something other than breath escapes Rin's mouth, a sound he's pretty sure he's never made before. 

There are no words to describe what it feels like inside Makoto's foreskin. It's warm but it's not just that... and then, as he presses his hand to his mouth to stop any more of those weird little sounds from escaping him, Rin realizes he's not just warm, he's getting _hot_ down there—hot and hard.

He looks up, moving his hand only enough for words to get out. "Sorry..."

Makoto's smile is warm, his face hot. "It's okay. I'm getting hard, too." Rin looks down at their cocks in Makoto's hand and sees it's true. Makoto's head pulses against him and Rin's thrums in response; the heartbeat pulse thrums along his length, curling up in his belly. "I could move it a little," Makoto says, making Rin's toes curl as he feels Makoto brush his thumb along the hood, "if you want to see what it feels like to masturbate with a foreskin?"

Breathlessly, Rin nods.

Thumb stilling, Makoto tilts his head. "You've done it before, right? Not with a foreskin but, I mean, you've played with yourself?"

Rin nods again, unable to look Makoto in the eye, unable to look away from his cock, the bulge of his head still inside Makoto's hood, the skin stretching more as Makoto tugs it to keep them cocooned. Then his eyes flutter shut as Makoto starts stroking them with his fingertips and his delicate skin, small smooth strokes, like a massage; and, even though Rin presses his hand to his mouth again, more of those hitched little sounds slip out of him. 

This is—Rin doesn't even know, but it's not like it is when he touches himself. It's better, it's so much better; he had no idea it could feel like this. It's not just the foreskin, although he's almost as crazy about being inside it as he is about slipping into water. And it's not just having fingers on him that aren't his own, fingers that seem to know things he doesn't. It's all the everything of it, and as the tip of his cock rubs all slick and warm against Makoto's, Rin drops his hand and lets the gasping sighs fall freely from his mouth.

He opens his eyes when Makoto says his name in a voice Rin hasn't heard him use before, and Rin has a moment to wonder if maybe this is the first time Makoto has ever used it. Makoto says, "Do you want to try playing with it?"

Gaze locked with Makoto's, Rin shakes his head wordlessly.

"Are you okay?" The smallest furrow knits Makoto's brow. "Should I stop or—"

Rin kisses him. 

As he presses his mouth to Makoto's, he isn't sure if he's doing it right. He parts his lips and licks at Makoto's, opens wider when he feels Makoto open against him. For a moment they just breathe into each other. Rin is pretty sure they're supposed to do something with their tongues so he slips his into Makoto's mouth and Makoto makes a sound, kind of like the ones Rin was making earlier, so Rin moves his tongue around a little, licking at Makoto's tongue. Their teeth clack together when Rin tries to go deeper and he pulls back—but before he can apologize, Makoto's tongue flashes out and Rin licks at it in the air between them, then brings his hands up to hold Makoto's face and presses closer so Makoto's tongue can slip into his mouth this time. 

Makoto's hand had stuttered on their cocks when Rin first kissed him but he finds the rhythm again—and soon, too soon, Rin feels himself coming harder than he has in any wet dream or the times he's been able to climax from touching himself; he feels Makoto's come spurting against his cockhead as he comes too, their spunk filling the hood and overflowing.

They move apart wordlessly. 

As he catches his breath, Rin pulls up his trousers and looks down to fasten them, teeth digging into his lip as he tries to think how to say the thing he couldn't even bring himself to practice in the mirror. When he hears Makoto take a deep breath to say something, Rin blurts it out: "I'm moving to Australia. Tomorrow."

He knows Makoto must be surprised. Maybe he's too surprised to speak, because he doesn't say anything; or maybe he's that angry at Rin. Rin doesn't wait to find out. "So, thanks," Rin says and walks away without a backward glance, so he doesn't have to see whatever is on Makoto's face, so Makoto won't see the tears he already can't hold back.


	2. ...makes me want to fly

Since coming back to Japan, Rin has seen his former teammates a couple of times, even swam one-on-one against Haru and beat him (although he's pretty sure Haru wasn't giving it his all...), but he hasn't hung out with them or anything. They shouldn't take it personally, though; Rin hasn't really hung out with his new teammates either. It's just that Seijuuro said he was thinking about going to look for a new swimsuit, and Rin is always up for that.

This is the fourth legskin he's tried on. It feels pretty good but it's impossible to make a decision without getting an idea of how it moves with him; he can't test-swim it but at least he can walk around a little. He's just pulled back the curtain when he hears a familiar voice from the next changing room over: "Haru—"

Oh, fuck no; not like this. But it's too late because Makoto, looking for Haru, has turned and their eyes have met. "Rin!" He breaks into a wide grin. Managing to keep his own mouth to a half grin, Rin can't help reaching out and poking Makoto just off the corner of his smile.

Makoto doesn't ask what that was all about but his eyebrows arch and his fingertips briefly touch his face where Rin has just touched him, which Rin takes as a sign that no one else goes around touching him like that. "Are you getting that? It looks good on you," Makoto says, nodding at the legskin; without waiting for a response, he adds, "I'm really happy you joined the Samezuka swim team after all, because now you can swim with us. Well, not _with_ us, I guess—but you can still race Haru!" Just like the rest of him, his smile is big and sincere.

Rin doesn't poke him this time. "Yeah," he says, not like agreement, more like he doesn't want to talk about it anymore. He can't be sure Makoto gets the nuance but he doesn't wait to find out, heading off to find Nitori for his opinion on the legskin before he buys it.

The legskin gets an enthusiastic reception from Nitori, though Rin has a vague suspicion that his roommate would have given the same positive response to anything Rin might have shown off for him. He buys the suit anyhow and decides to head back on his own, since Seijuuro and Nitori are still browsing.

As he leaves the store, he sees Makoto leaning against the building, waiting for Haru. Makoto waves to him and Rin lifts a hand in return without stopping. He hasn't gone far before Makoto falls in with him. "I'll walk with you part of the way. If you don't mind?"

Rin shrugs and Makoto smiles and they start walking together wordlessly. Rin can't help thinking about the last time they were alone together, all those years ago. He doesn't know if it would be a weird thing to bring up now...but he really can't stop thinking about it, in which case maybe it would be weirder not to say anything. So, casually as he can, he says, "Hey, do you remember that thing we did, my last day at Iwatobi Swim Club?"

"Yeah," Makoto says. He glances over with a grin. "Of course." 

_Of course_. Neither of them says anything for a few steps. Then Rin says, "So, have you done it since then?"

"Nope."

"Not even with Nagisa?" Rin says. "Wasn't he obsessed with it?" 

Makoto laughs. "No, not with Nagisa; not with anyone." Rin can't tell whether it's genuine curiosity or a polite afterthought when he adds, "Have you?"

Rin is caught off-guard by his own blush, even though he was the one who brought this up. He sets his jaw against the blush but it still creeps over him hotly. "Yeah," he says. He looks at Makoto out of the corner of his eye, sees the surprise on Makoto's face and feels kind of crappy, worse than he thought he would. "It wasn't the same, though."

The surprise disappears as Makoto laughs again. "Aww, I bet you say that to all the boys!" He adds a wink to his grin this time.

"No," Rin says, not even smiling. He comes to a stop and after a step Makoto halts too, turns back to him. "It was different with you. Better..." It's hard for Rin to keep meeting Makoto's gaze so he glances off. 

"Well," Makoto says, "it was your first time."

"That's not why," Rin says, then shuts his mouth. 

He's thinking he should find a way to brush it all off, maybe laugh it all off, when Makoto says, "We could try it again, if you want to see how reality holds up to nostalgia." Rin looks at him to see if he's serious. No trace of mockery, no trace of anything but sincerity: of course, because this is Makoto. He nods, helpless against his traitorous blood as it rises to his face.

"So then—could we use your dorm room?" Makoto asks, as if the color Rin's face has turned is normal and not to be commented upon. "I do have my own room at home, but I also have a little brother and sister, and, well..." He trails off, his grin turning wry.

"I have a roommate," Rin says. It would be easy enough to get the room to himself and, no matter how curious Nitori might be, Rin knows he wouldn't pry. But he doesn't really want to do this at Samezuka. 

"Oh, right." Makoto lapses into a thoughtful silence. They start walking again and after a few steps he says, "Then—what about going back to the swim club? I think we still have three days before they tear it down." When Rin agrees with a nod, Makoto says, "Tomorrow night, then?"

Rin would be okay doing it tonight, before either of them has a chance to change their mind; but then, a change of heart beforehand is better than one afterward, so he says, "Yeah, good." 

Makoto smiles but doesn't say anything else until they part ways. "See you tomorrow, Rin."

"Yeah, see you," Rin says, shoving his hands in his pockets, taking an extra moment to watch Makoto head off before turning his own way.

 

Rin has been waiting outside the swim club for nearly half an hour and is just thinking that Makoto must have changed his mind after all, when he gets the idea to see if he might be waiting inside. 

Sure enough, he finds Makoto sitting on the floor in the old locker room. It looks strange, the lockers and benches removed, and the kid Rin used to be would probably find it lonely...

But he's not that kid. And anyhow, he's not alone here. "Hey," Makoto says, smile coming up as he gets to his feet. "I was just about to text you. I thought maybe you changed your mind."

Rin shakes his head. He's about to say he was waiting outside when it hits him that if Makoto has been waiting in here the whole time, it means he must have come even earlier than Rin did. 

The thought leaves him speechless for long enough that Makoto says into the pause, "So. Does it have to be exactly the way it was then? Like, do you need me to strip off?"

There's a difference between _want_ and _need_ , so Rin says, "No. But..." He feels himself starting to blush but says it anyhow: "Do you think we could risk turning on a light?"

"I'm pretty sure the power has been turned off already," Makoto says. Then, ever thoughtful, he adds, "What if we go over by the window?" 

It's a cloudless night and they're bathed in unimpeded light from the stars and the near-full moon. The way Makoto is looking down as he undoes his trousers, he's tilted at the perfect angle to kiss...

Rin doesn't, though. He looks down at himself, unzips his fly and tugs his jeans down off his hips, just far enough to take himself out comfortably. It's taken all his self-control not to get hard yet and he's begrudgingly grateful to the blushes that have helped him out with blood flow control so far tonight.

He glances at Makoto, expecting to see him like that first time, soft and impressive and cocooned. He _is_ impressive and he _is_ cocooned, but he is not soft. He's not fully hard but he's definitely not soft. Even half-hard, Makoto has an overhang, his cockhead completely covered by his hood, which Rin finds ridiculously hot. Only—-"It's easier if we're not hard to start with," he says.

"Oh." Makoto glances down at himself, then back up at Rin. "Sorry..."

 _Fuck no, Makoto, don't apologize for that,_ Rin thinks, gaze drawn down again. 

He's still looking at Makoto's half-hard, fully-impressive cock when Makoto says, "Uh, I'm not sure how to make it go down. Unless I get it all the way hard and then get myself off?"

Rin isn't sure if Makoto is offering to stroke off in front of him. His cock twitches helplessly in his hand and he looks down at it, gives it a reassuring squeeze, letting it know he doesn't blame it for getting more than half-hard. "It's okay," he murmurs. He looks up and meets Makoto's gaze: "It's okay," he says. "I think it will be okay like this."

Makoto nods. "Um, do you want to—I mean, you know what you're doing, so if you want to be the one in charge, that's okay with me."

As hot as the idea of being the one in charge of Makoto's foreskin is, Rin shakes his head. "You should do it." The point of this, after all, is that it's Makoto who makes the difference.

"Okay." Makoto steps closer, right in front of Rin, close enough to touch. Rin looks down at his hand, looks at their cocks. He hears Makoto draw in a deep breath and push it out just as deeply. "Okay," he says again. He takes another breath. "I'm going to touch you now, okay?"

Makoto is the only one who has ever asked this. Rin doesn't know if he remembers saying it when they were kids and if he's trying to recreate that time, or if it's just a coincidence; either way, it makes his toes curl. 

Rin nods. He sucks in a breath as he watches Makoto pull back his foreskin, moonlight catching in the glisten leaking from his revealed cockhead. He watches Makoto reach for him and he thought he'd exhale at the touch, but instead he inhales deeper as Makoto slips one hand underneath to cradle them together as he coaxes their cockheads into a slick kiss. 

Then he tugs the hood up over their cockheads, inches it down along Rin's shaft, and Rin's inhale and exhale get tangled, twining into a sigh that comes out far softer than he'd have thought possible. Because Makoto is right: it's not like the first time.

No, this is so much fucking better.

The sensation is, of course, amazing. It has been every time he's tried this: he doesn't know what it feels like for those guys who have a foreskin, but for him the sensation of that exquisite skin enveloping his cockhead is indescribably gorgeous. Then there's the thrill of being joined tip to slick tip, rubbing and grinding like your cockheads are fucking—only with Makoto, it feels like they're making out, hot and heavy, kissing inside his foreskin.

It's not just sensation with Makoto—it's _feeling_. That doesn't even come close to describing it but Rin doesn't know how else to put it. 

So when Makoto looks up and breathlessly asks how it feels, Rin presses his mouth wordlessly to Makoto's. He cradles Makoto's face with both hands, cupping his jaw as he slips into Makoto's mouth. And this is so much better, too. Makoto may not have tried docking with anyone else but he has definitely been kissing someone, maybe more than one someone, and Rin doesn't care how many someones there have been or who they were, except that he'd personally like to thank them for teaching Makoto how to kiss like this, because his tongue is as amazing now as his foreskin.

As Makoto continues stretching and tugging, enveloping and stroking them together, Rin ravishes his mouth in a deep and thorough kiss, opening himself to ravishment as he invites Makoto in, the heartbeat pulse in his thumb eliciting vibrations as he caresses Makoto's throat, trading soft moans for the sweet, heavy sighs Rin swallows from him.

The feeling intensifies and Rin knows he's getting close, feels Makoto getting close too and he wants Makoto to come first this time so he breaks the kiss to mouth Makoto's throat, just where the touch of his fingertips have elicited the strongest vibrations.

Their slits are lined up perfectly: the first hot splash of Makoto's come against his cockhead is almost enough to push Rin over the edge but he digs deep and holds himself back just long enough to feel Makoto's come flow into him; and then he's past the tipping point, pouring out of himself, their commingled come engulfing them inside Makoto's hood, spilling out...

Foreheads resting against each other, they hold a moment; then move apart, quiet except their breathing.

Makoto catches his first. "What surprising thing are you going to say this time?" he says with a grin.

Rin doesn't smile back. "Go out with me."

Makoto's grin wavers, comes up bigger, lopsided. "What?"

"Go out with me." Rin dives in, even though Makoto obviously thinks this is some sort of joke. "Be my boyfriend." When Makoto doesn't say anything, Rin says, "I came back from Australia for this."

Makoto grins more. "You came back to Japan for my cock? My foreskin?"

"You," Rin says. "I came back for you."

Now the smile fades, leaving Makoto's face unreadable even though Rin can see it perfectly in the moonlight. "Rin..." 

Neither of them is smiling now, neither looks away. 

Makoto swallows. "I thought you came back for your swimming. To swim against Haru."

"I did," Rin says; "I did come back for my swimming. Haru is good for me professionally—he pushes me, you know?" Makoto nods and Rin continues, "But he's not the only one who affects the way I swim." He waits for Makoto to get it, for him to nod his understanding, but he's just looking at Rin. Rin takes a deep breath, has to swallow when it gets stuck at the base of his throat. He takes another breath just to be sure he'll be able to get through this next part. "It's you. You pull me." Head tilted, Makoto doesn't say anything, so Rin tries again: "When I know you're there, watching me, I want to swim for you so you'll feel the way I do when I'm watching you." 

He doesn't wait for Makoto's response now but plunges on: "It's not just the swimming. It's not just your cock. It's you. It's everything about you, the way I feel around you, about you, about myself when I'm near you—everything is better with you than it is with anyone else, Makoto." 

It's all horribly embarrassing. But it's also all completely true, and Rin's not sorry he said it.

"You always were the romantic," Makoto says, and kisses him.

When they part Rin asks, "Does that mean yes?" 

"Yes." Makoto smiles. "You couldn't tell how I felt from all the letters I sent you when you were in Australia?" 

Instead of saying he hadn't been able to see anything properly through all his own hope, Rin thinks maybe he'll say that _Makoto_ is the romantic—but Makoto is going on: "I just, I had no idea you felt the same. You never wrote me back, and then when I found out you've been coming home every Christmas and even saw Haru..."

Rin feels like the biggest jerk in the world. He knows the reason isn't going to sound good even before he says it, but he has to say something, and—even as selfish and stupid as it is—the truth seems as good as anything. "It would have been too hard to see you and leave again." Now that he hears it outside his head, it sounds even worse and more selfish than he thought it would. So, to lighten the mood, he quirks into a half-grin and adds, "Besides, I couldn't have asked you to do _this_ every time I came back."

"You could have." Makoto's eyes slide away but he glances back sidelong, breaking into a full grin when he sees Rin's new blush. 

Rin reaches out and touches his face again, just off the corner of his mouth.

"You did that yesterday. What are you doing?"

"Petting your dimple." 

Makoto smiles more. "I don't have dimples." 

"I know," Rin says, caressing the dimple no one else can see, the one that's all his and always has been, grinning as he kisses his boyfriend's smile.


End file.
